It was noon and Gary was waiting interminably for Larry in the skiff. Their skiff was a different kind of skiff. It had a tall roof and motorized ores.the boat had all the sustanance for survival. The skiff had to leave by 12:30 for the maritime journey to conquer something.The two were zealot about this mission.
Finally Larry was thrown out of a cab going way over the speed limit. Gary was cracking up as he watched him tumble for a few feet, get up and run to get on the skiff before he left with out him.
“Hello Larry, you are almost late.” Gary said in a dark tone.
“Are you kidding me Gary you are so damn critical of everyone.” Hollered Larry from his part of the skiff.
With that little squabble they were off to find a place that even they could conquer. As the two sailors approached the North Atlantic Ocean they got hungry noticed a massive albacore swim under their skiff. So quickly Gary got up and took out his gaff. He ran to the gunwhale of the small rowboat and poked the albacore ferociously. He had caught the albacore.
“Oh hell no you are going to be our dinner and like it!” Gary yelled at the albacore flopping on the deck of the skiff. “I will not allow you to thwart my plans for a big dinner tonight you delicious tasting fish.” Gary exclaimed in a stern voice.
As Gary was ranting about stopping the rather large fish from flopping all over the skiff Larry saw a large glacier in the dark. It was night before Gary got the fish to get calmed down and ready to eat.
“Hey Gary today I saw a massive glacier that we should conquer.” Larry explained to Gary
“Really, was the snow accumulation good enough for our purposes?” Questioned Gary.
“Hell yes, the snow was deep powder with some runs that aren’t that steep perfect to build jib parks.” Larry explained.
“If this is true this is the island we are going to conquer. Larry you know now you’re supposed to get up and set us on course for that island.” Said Gary in a happy voice.
Through the night the small boat crawled over the water and under the cumulus clouds towards the glacier. By daybreak they were at the shores of the island. Because the boat was a skiff it had a flat bottom so it could still float in very shoal water. Another customization of the boat is wheels can come out to get it onto the shore and out of the water.
Gary woke in the morning and said “ Larry go into the storage compartment and get our snow stuff.”
“Ok I got it.” Larry answered in an annoyed tone.
So they gathered their stuff and ventured off onto the seemingly deserted island’s backcountry terrain. There were amazing hits and great gaps already built out of natural terrain. It was paradise; it was what the tow conquerors had been searching for, for their whole lives. As Gary and Larry came down the mountain Slashing powder everywhere they heard a booming voice.
“Who are you and what are you doing on my island?” Questioned a very benevolant looking man.
“We are Gary and Larry and we are here to transform this island into the ultimate snowboarding experience.” Explained Gary in his most intimidating voice.
“You shall not even begin this project under my watch.” Screamed Captain Scar in an extremely angry voice.
“Ok then I will complete my project without you on this island!” Hollered Gary.
The two made a bet that whoever did the best trick off the big air jump that Larry built got to have control of the island. The rules of the bet were a best of 3 run format. Whoever did the best run in three runs got to keep the island. It was Gary’s first run and he threw a switch backside 1080. Then Captain Scar threw a double rodeo 1080. The contest was heating up threw the second run and so was the trash talk.
The wind was whipping in Gary’s face as he dropped down the run towards the jump under the cirrus clouds. As Gary approached the take off he started to rotate his shoulders around. He hit the lip and threw his body around like a screwdriver in the air. He landed the trick right in the sweet spot of the landing. He threw a trick the world had never seen before; a back flip 1440. So after seeing that trick Captain Scar just gave up.
So now larry and Gary have now conquered and emancipated the island from captain scar.Then they purported the island as a giant terrain park. The two conquerors transformed the island into a perfect jib park. They also had a few extremely good jump lines. So Gary and Larry lived and rode on the island until the day they died.
10 comments:
The conflict of the story was that the antagonist, Captain Scar, was in the way for the main characters to conquer a glacier. The conflict is an external conflict. The conflict was resolved when one of the main characters defeated Captain Scar and won the territory of the glacier so they could use it for snowboarding. I was pretty invested in the resolution of the conflict because it allowed the main characters to live on the glacier and snowboard whenever they wanted to. I think that the story could of been more dramatic if the antagonist did better in the challenge. I thought that the conflict was developed.
I think that the main characters did not change over time at all because they wanted to conquer a random place and once they did they just lived there for the rest of their lives. Maybe the main character who challenged Captain Scar might of become a better snowboarder since he did an awsime trick to win the challenge. I think that this change was important to the story because the great trick allowed the two conquerers to beat the antagonist and live on the perfect snowboarding invironment glacier for the rest of their lives. I think that the story would have changed if the character did not do the awsome trick because it allowed them to live on the glacier, which was the whole point for them.
My favorite part of the story was when the main character defeated the antagonist and the two people were able to live and own the glacier. I think that this part of the story was the falling action because after they landed on the glacier, which I think was the climax, they defeated the antagonist and lives their for the rest of their lives."The wind was whipping in Gary’s face as he dropped down the run towards the jump. As Gary approached the take off he started to rotate his shoulders around. He hit the lip and threw his body around like a screwdriver in the air. He landed the trick right tin the sweet spot of the landing. He threw a trick the world had never seen before; a back flip 1440." I like this part of the story because it was well discribed and gave a lot of detail. This part of the story was also very important to the story.
I think that the tale's best quality is the falling action. I think this is the tale's best quality because it is well discribed and uses good word choice. This part of the story is the main part of the story, and without it the story would be pointless. That is why I think that the tale's best quality is the falling acton.
I think that the story's theme is hard work pays off. I think that this is the story's theme because Gary and Larry worked very hard to find a place to conquer and Gary tried real hard to defeat Captain Scar in the contest, and since they worked hard it payed off. I think that the seeds that the author used to set the theme is when the two main characters set foot on the glacier and the antagonist pops out and challenges them too a snowboard challenge. I think this led to when Gary defeated Captain Scar and was able to live on the glacier with Larry for the rest of their lives.
I think that the main thing that author needs to revise before Mr. B-G grades this assignment is the grammar and spelling mistakes, I found some in the story. I think that the author could also extend the resolution too because I think that it ends abruptly and could use some more detail. Other than that I think that this short story was well written and the author did a good job of describing the characters.
The conflict of this story was that Larry and Gary were determined to conquer a glacier to make a snowboarding park, but Captain Scar, the antagonist, stands in their way. It was an external conflict. It was resolved by a contest to see who could perform the best tricks over the jumps and the protagonists won. I was invested in the resolution of the conflict because i wanted the main characters to be able to conquer the glacier and make a nice park out of it. The story could have been made more dramatic if there was a tie in the contest so they had to do another contest or something.
The main characters did not change much over the course of the story except the fact that they made history doing a backflip 1440 over a jump. My favorite part of the story was when one of the main characters landed the trick to beat Captain Scar. This occured in the climax of the story."The wind was whipping in Gary’s face as he dropped down the run towards the jump. As Gary approached the take off he started to rotate his shoulders around. He hit the lip and threw his body around like a screwdriver in the air. He landed the trick right tin the sweet spot of the landing. He threw a trick the world had never seen before; a back flip 1440."
The tale's best quality was when the characters were being introduced because he made it clear who wanted what and who was standing in the way of it.“We are Gary and Larry and we are here to transform this island into the ultimate snowboarding experience.” Explained Gary in his most intimidating voice.“You shall not even begin this project under my watch.” Screamed Captain Scar in an extremely angry voice.“Ok then I will complete my project without you on this island!” Hollered Gary."
The stories theme is that hard work pays off. The main characters are very dedicated snowboarders and they are rewarded in the end with an entire glacier to themselves because they won a contest.
I think something that you could work on could be the setting because in the beginning of the story i was very lost. I would also watch how many times you repeat the same word such as skiff in the first couple of paragraphs. Other than that i thought you had a good story.
1) The conflict of the story is Gary and Larry trying to find the perfect place to snowboard. This is an external conflict. It is resolved by Gary winning a best trick contest. The story could have been more dramatic if the stakes were higher.
2) The main character changes over the course of the story by going from a failing conqueror to a successful conqueror. The epiphany I guess would be landing the back flip 1440 that the world had never seen before.
3) My favorite part of the story was the dialogue because it was very realistic and very much in-tune with, at least, what I think of as snowboarders.
4) The stories best quality was the dialogue because it was very realistic and very much in-tune with, at least, what I think of as snowboarders.
5) The stories theme was anything is possible. This is because the main characters came from nothing and still met their life long dreams.
6) The only thing I can think of that would make the story better would be to describe what happened in the skiff more because it was funny or to describe the setting more, especially what the best trick ramp looked like.
The conflict of the story was that Larry and Gary were trying toconquer the glacier but captain Scarr opposed them. Then one conflict in the story is external. It was resolved when Gary defeated Captain Scarr in a snowboarding contest. I was interested in the ending when the glacier was handed over to Gary and Larry. I think that the story could have hada better developed conclusion. I thought the conflict was well developed.
I think that the main characters did not change over time because they wanted to conquer a random place and the whole story took place over a short period of time.garry and larry had an epifiany when they discovred the glacier and won it in a snowboarding contest. This change i important to the story bcause once they tel you that they are going to have the contest you basically knew who was going to win, larry and gary. The character in the story didnt really change in the story.
My favorite part of the story was when the main character defeated the antagonist and the two people were able to live and own the glacier. I think that this part of the story was the falling action because after they landed on the glacier, which I think was the climax, they defeated the antagonist and lives their for the rest of their lives."The wind was whipping in Gary’s face as he dropped down the run towards the jump. As Gary approached the take off he started to rotate his shoulders around. He hit the lip and threw his body around like a screwdriver in the air. He landed the trick right tin the sweet spot of the landing. He threw a trick the world had never seen before; a back flip 1440." I like this part of the story because it was well discribed and gave a lot of detail. This part of the story was also very important to the story.
The tales best quality is the ability to keep the reader interested and laughing. One of the reasons I say this is because of when the characters had dialogue, it was very funny.
I think the storys theme is that if you want something then you shout go for it. I think this because when garry and larry got to the island they were determined to conquer it so they challenged scarr to a snowboarding contest.
I think something that you could do to improve your story would be to look it over for grammatical mistakes.
The conflict of the story is Gary and Larry want to conncor somewere were there is a perfect place to snowboard. This is an external conflict. It is resolved by Gary winning trick contest and captian scar giving up.
The two main characters go from no land owners to land conquerers. The epiphany would be landing the back flip 1440
My favorite part of the story was the plot and characters i thought it was funny to picture what these characters snow boarding.
The stories theme was anything is possible. He finally conquered something.
I would like to know what each character looks like because i picture them as pirates or clowns but i dont know if thats what there supose to think
I. The conflict of the story was between Gary and Larry and Captain Scar. It was an internal conflict. It was resolved by Gary landing a backflip 1440, beating Captain Scar and winning the island for Gary and Larry. I was kind of invested in the resolution of the conflict. What would make the story more dramatic would be having Gary and Captain Scar go on another run, or have something bad happen to one of them (have one of them fall, etc.).
II. Neither the protagonist nor the antagonist changes much over the course of the story. Gary’s great epiphany was when he landed the trick to beat Captain Scar. What could be different would be that you could have Gary never have been able to land the trick before and have it be the first time he ever lands it.
III. My favorite part of the story was when Gary landed the trick. It occurred during the resolution. “The wind was whipping in Gary’s face as he dropped down the run towards the jump.” This quote stood out to me, because the author used very good details describing the weather conditions at the time.
IV. The tale’s best quality was the author’s description of the snowboarding tricks at the end of the story.The author did a very good job describing what the weather was like on the island while the characters were snowboarding.
V. I think the story’s theme is that if you really want something, then you can accomplish it. Some things the author could do to make the theme develop better throughout the story are talking more about working hard early in the story and use more descriptive words to show how much they want to conquer the island.
VI. The main thing the author needs to revise before Mr. B-G reads his story is putting vocabulary words in, give more detail as to why they chose the island they chose instead of another one, and when using quotation marks, make a new paragraph with them.
The conflict of the story was that Caption Scar was trying to keep the glacier his and Larry and Gary were trying to conquer it from him. This was an external conflict. It was resolved by having a snowboarding trick contest. I think that the last part of the story was dramatic but the rest of the story there could have been more description.
I dont think that the characters changed because it was a short amount of time and they just wanted a glacier. The only change was that they lived in a different place and that they became better snowboarders and they did better tricks. If this hadn't happened then the protagonists wouldn't be living on the island.
My favorite part of the story was "“Oh hell no you are going to be our dinner and like it!” Gary yelled at the albacore flopping on the deck of the skiff. “I will not allow you to thwart my plans for a big dinner tonight you delicious tasting fish.”" this occurred in the rising action of the story. I thought that this quote was really funny! It was original and made me laugh! It definitely sounded like something you would say too!
I think that the best part was the resolution because you described the snowboarding moves really well and what they were. It was a good part in the story that had the most description.
I think that the story's theme is to never give up. The author starts out with them in the skiff and having a difficult time with food and the boat, but they still go on to the glacier. He also has them on the glacier and Captain Scar trying to defeat them but they still do thier best.
I think that you need to add more detail in the whole story. The only part that had a good amount of detail was the snowboarding competition. I also think that you need to check your sentences and make sure that they all make sense.
Overall good job!!
VOCAB WORDS IN MY STORY
skiff-flat bottomk rowboat it is my setting.
gaff-spear gary kills the fish with this
albacore-tuna fish it is the dinner on night 1
cumulus-thick dense clouds it was a good part of description
shoal-shallow describing the water at the island
sustanance-
gunwhale-
maritime-r3elating to the sea this is where the story is at
benevolant-kind describing the man
cirrus-high wispy clouds another description
emancipate-to free they freed the island
purport-to suppose profess or claim they clsimed the island
zealot-passionatley devoted something. they were zealot for the island.
VOCAB WORDS IN MY STORY
skiff-flat bottomk rowboat it is my setting.
gaff-spear gary kills the fish with this
albacore-tuna fish it is the dinner on night 1
cumulus-thick dense clouds it was a good part of description
shoal-shallow describing the water at the island
sustanance-
gunwhale-
maritime-r3elating to the sea this is where the story is at
benevolant-kind describing the man
cirrus-high wispy clouds another description
emancipate-to free they freed the island
purport-to suppose profess or claim they clsimed the island
zealot-passionatley devoted something. they were zealot for the island.
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